Fetch the Label Maker! A Discussion on Sexuality Terminology

It has been one year since the last time I posted on here and it’s been something of a whirlwind year for me. Last year, in observance of National Coming Out Day, I talked about my struggles to come to terms with my sexuality. At that time I was still embracing the concept and I knew that there was a chance that things would evolve from that point. I was quite new to the community and there were still a great many things that I didn’t know and this year has been a wonderful experience in learning and expanding my understanding.

I’ve since learnt that there is a whole other layer of terminology for sexuality types beyond the simple 0-6 Kinsey scale. Pansexual, demisexual, polysexual, asexual. And it doesn’t end there; there are even more specifications from that point. In the last year, I’ve been introduced to a whole new vocabulary and found a new label that fits me so much better than what I’d known before. (Biromantic demisexual, in case anyone is curious).

The most common question that I’ve gotten since my last post is why having a label matters? I admitted that I knew that I wasn’t heteronormal. The people closest to me already knew that I wasn’t heteronormal. Why did it matter that I have an appropriate label for my sexuality?

The thing that people doesn’t understand is that it was never about putting a label on myself. It wasn’t that I needed something to call myself or that I needed to have some absolute definition to attach to my sexuality. For me, the magic in finding a correct term was purely in knowing that I was not alone. If that term existed, it meant that there were other people out there who were the same as me. That was the single most monumental thing that came from this whole process.

That was the single most monumental thing that came from this whole process. It wasn’t in embracing myself for who I was or knowing that the people in my life would still accept me while knowing the truth. It was the realisation that I was not alone in this world. I haven’t actually met anyone with the same sexuality as me – at least not that I know of – but the simple fact that they are out there somewhere is comfort enough. Much in the same way that discovering communities for people suffering from depression provided hope and reassurances, knowing that there are enough other people out there who feel the same as I do eases the fears and uncertainty of reinventing my self-image.

So today, on National Coming Out Day, when so many people are opening up and learning to embrace and identify their sexuality, I simply want to let them all know this one crucial detail: Whether you are ready to shout your sexuality from the rooftops or if you’re still playing things close to the vest, it doesn’t matter. In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t about the labels we attach to ourselves. It isn’t in being able to tell the world that “yes, I am ____.” It is about belonging.  It is about knowing that there are other people out there that are like you.

You are not alone.

 

{Writing Wednesday} – “It was the Only Road…”

Writing Prompts. Every writer has used them at some point in their career, (whether willingly or not.) They’re like an adrenaline shot to your muse. You know, usually.

Looking for a way to keep our writing fresh and versatile, my friend Anna and I are going to be starting a prompt inspired post that we call Writing Wednesdays.

Breakdown: Every first and third Wednesday of the month, on both Anna’s blog and mine, we’ll post a prompt that we’ve either found or come up with ourselves, as well as our own flash fiction or short story for that prompt. Please feel free to join us! Just make sure that when you post, you link your work back – and comment with a link – to one of ours so everyone can read yours too!

PROMPT: First Line – “It was the only road out of town but in retrospect, taking it was a terrible decision.”

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{Writing Wednesday} – There Was Too Much Dust

Writing Prompts. Every writer has used them at some point in their career, (whether willingly or not.) They’re like an adrenaline shot to your muse. You know, usually.
Looking for a way to keep our writing fresh and versatile, my friend Anna and I are going to be starting a prompt inspired post that we call Writing Wednesdays.

Breakdown: Every first and third Wednesday of the month, on both Anna‘s blog and mine, we’ll post a prompt that we’ve either found or come up with ourselves, as well as our own flash fiction or short story for that prompt. Please feel free to join us! Just make sure that when you post, you link your work back – and comment with a link – to one of ours so everyone can read yours too!

PROMPT: There was too much dust.

(From @writingprompt)

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I Am Alive!

Wow, so I kind of fell off the face of the earth there for a while… Sorry about that guys, I really have no excuse. Truth be told, this is sort of what happens every time I try to start a blog. I make it a short while and then all of the ambition leaves me in a tidal wave and I completely disappear for months on end, only to re-emerge with a sad sob story about my life being busy and whatnot.

Well, if we’re being frank, my life has been a little busy. After I got back from London it was closing in on finals week at school and I picked up a secondary schooling as well (yes, two schools at once, I’m clearly insane.) I finished my novel while on my trip and have spent a great deal of time in editing and sending out queries to agents and publishers. On top of that things got crazy at work – political nonsense I won’t bore you with – and I fell into a severe holiday slump. Finally, after weeks away it was just way too easy to stay lazy and not bother. That might make me a bad person, but at least I’m an honest one.

I feel especially bad though because I promised everyone a nice big blog post about my trip to London, and it never came. Epic fail on my part. I still intend to write one, I promise. It was an amazing trip and such a breath-taking experience that I definitely want to share it with everyone. Look forward to that coming – eventually.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am, in fact, still among the living. I’m deep in the throes of Camp NaNoWriMo at the moment so my time is a bit strapped, but look forward to new and exciting things coming next month.

Cheers!

The Post-Holiday Slump

So I promised you all a bunch of posts when I got back from my trip to London. I’ve now been back for a week and a half, and what have I given you?

Nothing.

This is literally the first time I’ve even opened up a new post to start writing. I just haven’t been able to think of words to put down on paper. It’s not easy, translating all of the amazing feelings and experiences into words.

But oh boy, was it an amazing experience.

The truth of it all is, I’ve been in a post-holiday slump. I haven’t wanted to work on anything. Not my job, or my novel, or even this silly little blog. I don’t want to knuckle down and deal with reality, because I just experienced a surreal ten days that were so unlike anything I’ve ever known. Everything was new and fresh and exciting. Even just getting up in the morning was fun – and that’s saying something, because I am not a morning person.

I walked down cobbled roads through buildings older than my entire country. I wandered through the Tower of London and saw Buckingham Palace at sunset. I lived in a culture so different from my own, a world of royalty and history. I shopped in Covent Garden and saw a play in Piccadilly Circus.

After all of that, can you blame me for being a bit grudging about coming back to the real world?

The thing is, I have to come back. I have to embrace the fact that my holiday is over and it’s time to move on. There are bills to pay and exams to study for, and all of the drudgery of real life is crushing in on me. I’m home and it’s done.

The memories, though, well those are what make even this horrible post-holiday drag worth it.

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Daily Prompt: Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

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I HATE doing the dishes. Out of all of the chores that need doing around my house, there is nothing I hate doing more than washing up the dishes. Hell, I’ll clean the bathroom before I’ll wash dishes.

When I lived on my own, doing the dishes was nothing. I was the only person eating, so I just washed up my dishes the moment I finished eating. There was no time for the dishes to get gross and smelly.

Now that I’m living with my family again, they have a different idea on how dishes should be done. The plan around here is heap everything in the sink until it’s full, and then load the dishwasher. So by the time anyone gets around to loading, the dishes are soggy, stinky, and covered in a congealed mess of everything that’s been eaten by anyone all day.

Needless to say, not the sort of thing one wants to stick there hand into.

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Daily Prompt: It’s Friday, I’m in Love

Remember your first crush? Think about that very first object of your affection. Oh, the sweaty palms. The swoony feeling in your stomach. Tell us the story of your first crush. What was it about this person that made your heart pound? Was the love requited? Change the names to protect the guilty or innocent if you must! No judgement here. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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As I mentioned in my post “Help! I’m in Love With a Fictional Character” I am always more likely to get a crush on a character than an actual person. Well that’s not a new development in my life. Even as a little girl, my first few crushes were on characters I saw on the television.

I still remember my very first crush – at the tender age of about 3 1/2 – and my sweeping declaration that one day I would marry him. He was sweet and loyal and fun-loving, and he had the most charming laugh. And that lucky man was… Mickey Mouse.

Mickey greeting guests at Disneyland Park

Don’t laugh, I was 3! The fact that he was an animated mouse was completely inconsequential.

Part of me still loves that mouse, although I’ve accepted that it’s a love that will never be. (I still hold a grudge against Minnie for stealing him away from me…)

My next crush, at the age of 5, was on none other than Han Solo from the Star Wars trilogy.

Han Solo

Now there’s a man! I’ve got a bit of a thing for anti-heroes. A little gruff, a little rugged, and a little devil may care but with a secret core of good. And we all know he was a little bit of a romantic too underneath it all. I’ve been known to use the “I know,” line on guys when they tell me they love me.

I also use “Laugh it up, fuzzball,” but that’s usually in entirely different situations.

Truth be told, I don’t even remember my first actual person crush. I know that when I started school and finally started meeting kids my age, I was completely floored by the sheer number of boys in my classes. There were so many of them, in all different shapes and sizes. I was a little boy crazy, and I’m pretty sure that at some point, I had a crush on every boy in my year.

I just don’t quite remember what order it happened in…

In the end though, it’s not the boys in my school that helped to shape the men I look for now. It’s those early character crushes. Which is why my dream man is sweet, fun-loving, a little cavalier, but secretly a bit of a romantic.

If that guy is reading this… Happy Valentine’s Day! Gimme a call, yeah? 😉

 

 

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